Friday, April 13, 2007

IFN: The crux.

the crux.

noun, plural crux·es, cru·ces [kroo-seez]
1.a vital, basic, decisive, or pivotal point: The crux of the trial was his whereabouts at the time of the murder.
2.a cross.
3.something that torments by its puzzling nature; a perplexing difficulty.

[Origin: 1635–45; <>crux (interpretum) (commentators') torment, a difficult passage in a text; cf. crucial]
1. essence, heart, core, gist.

this one resonates on almost every level and in different ways.

here i am, back where i started five years ago, and wondering how the hell it is that i have come back to this. why i made decisions that have ultimately led me to waste/spend five years of my life and have nothing to show for it but more loss and debt than i had when i left.

i feel like, in some ways, ive failed.

i always knew deep down that i would come back, but really had hoped that it would be a triumphant return rather than the situation that i find myself.

and that the thing, i really was set up for success, and i managed to mess that up.